unpardonable

between submersions
refracting time, pulling you
closer to the embrace
life and death
warmer each time, either way
pushing you back
to the shock of air in empty lungs

i am that breath, you say
and i left you in the rain

as every lightning bolt forged at making loose
your tongue in pain
the water of resistance and revolution
eased into the blessed light of silence

i am the pure tear birthed from relief
you tell me this
and i left you in the rain

on the phone,
your mother
who thought you lost
her voice, all universal love
contained
in one small woman
released to you

also me, you say, her voice
yet i left you in the rain

i have a long way now to travel
to meet you in love
i, who call myself poet,
the written word
the only voice
i’ve learned
until this moment to show you
desperate that you see
while i myself blinded
in the illness of optimism
falling short and dulled and heavy with knowing

that i left you in the rain